Just some thoughts at bedtime...

All day today the lyrics of the Jesus Culture song I Want to Know You have been in my head...well...a portion of the song at least. And as I am getting ready for bed, they are still running through my mind...I want to know You. Let Your Spirit overwhelm me. Let your presence overtake my heart.

I want to know You. Let Your Spirit overwhelm me. Let your presence overtake my heart. Oh, how I desire for this to be true in my life. How I desire it to be lived out in in everything I do.

I desire to know God on a deeper level than I ever have before. Not to just merely know Him, but truly KNOW him. Not to just know the God that I have learned about for as long as I can remember. Not to just know the God of my parents or my siblings or any other person in my life. But to know God as MY God. As the God who sees me and loves me just as I am. As the God who loves me so fiercely that He will not allow me to be left where I am. As the God who disciplines, but also redeems and restores in the process. As the God who is I Am and whose character is meant to satisfy and fulfill my every desire, need, longing. So often I am content to rely on the faith of others or the faith of my past to get me through. God desires and commands so much more of me than that. To know God, I have to seek him continually. Whole heartedly. In full surrender to His will and His way. I have to be constantly seeking to learn new things about God and his character. How crazy is it to assume that I can continue to rely only on the things that God has taught me in the past. Those things are good, yes. And they are things that God will continue to use in my life to teach me more about himself. But it can’t stop there. We didn’t stop learning in elementary school after we learned our addition and subtraction tables. We kept going. Kept building on that foundation. It is the same with our pursuit of knowing God. We have to continue on…building on the things He has been to us and revealed to us in order to delve deeper into His character. God is infinite. Greater and higher than anything that I can fathom. Far more comprehensive than I often give Him credit. My finite mind can never even begin to understand and know all there is to know about God. My flesh is going to always be in a battle that pulls me to know and find comfort in the things of this world…this will always push my pursuit of knowing God to the back burner. This is why the seeking must never stop. This is why I need to be on my knees daily begging God to teach me how to seek him, how to know him, how to love him. I can't know God and seek Him fully on my own strength or will power. I need Him to draw me to Himself. I need him to reveal Himself to me.

I am tired of being content with where I am. Tired of settling for just enough of God to get me through. Tired of being satisfied in knowing only a small portion of who God is. I want to know more...know things about God that I have never tapped into before. When you truly want to know someone, you seek to learn all that you can about them. Enough is never enough. You seek out their likes and dislikes. The things that will please them. You want to know all that you possibly can about them. I desire to pursue God like this. He promises that those who seek him with all that they are will find Him. I want to be a person like that. A person that runs after God with all that they are and finds Him to be more than enough. A person who desires to please him and bring glory to Him. A person that is overtaken by this great God and that's fruit points others back to Him. He is deserving of a passionate pursuit. Deserving of glory being brought to His name. He requires nothing less than all of me. I am so often consumed by the circumstances of my life, the things that don't make sense, the things that I have absolutely no control over...the things that truly require me to trust God with an unwavering faith like Romans 4 says Abraham had. Like the lyrics i referenced at the beginning, I want the Holy Spirit to overwhelm me. I want the Lord to overtake my heart. I don't want this life as I know it to be what consumes, overwhelms and overtakes me. Praise the Lord that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. My fear of releasing control and my need for complete understanding are weaknesses that cripple me and many times keep me from experiencing God and his presence to it's fullest. I am so thankful for the way the Lord gently shepherds me. Even now he is reminding me that baby steps have to be taken. My job is to seek to know him day by day. As I seek him and begin to learn more about him, He will be faithful to give more of Himself to me. I pray as this happens, that the Lord will take over all of me. There is a level of total surrender and abandon that scares me to death, but...that is where He will be found. That is where I am in a postition to receive more of Him. That is where I am in a postition to be overwhelmed and overtaken by God Almighty Himself.

Father, I long to know you. I long for a pure desire to pursue you passionately with an undivided heart. Teach me to love you more. I pray that you help me to run to your cross with the things life throws my way that tend to overwhelm and consume me. Help me to run to you with all of my doubts and fears. Thank you for taking me just as I am. You know my heart and my sinful self, yet you love me and still promise good things. Father, reveal more of yourself to me as I am ready for it. Remind me that I have all I need in you. Give me wisdom. Remind me of what you have called me to. Remind me that this life is to be lived for you alone. I do want to know you...truly know you. I pray as I seek that I will be completely overwhelmed and overtaken by all that you are.